I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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