so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
