Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
