You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
