once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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