I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
