so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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