I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
