I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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