Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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