My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
