if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
