how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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