here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
