i would punch a child for taco bell
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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