I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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