i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
