So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
