Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
