Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
