I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
