Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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