So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
