he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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