you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
