we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
