wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't notice because vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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