Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
