Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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