Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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