U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
