I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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