tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
