My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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