New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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