it's too hot outside to masturbate.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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