Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
