Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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