glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
