What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
