As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
