My hand turned me down
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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