On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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