Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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