2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Holy sore nipples Batman
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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