listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
