Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
