wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
