I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
