My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
