I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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