why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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