I wish I could punch you in the face.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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