I hate your face
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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