My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
