new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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