my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Send help, water and tortillas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
