I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
