News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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