I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
