I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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