I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
