yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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