Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
