i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
