i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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