3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize