She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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