I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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