When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
