What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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