Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
