The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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