I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to make a zoo with you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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