that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
