3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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