I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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