We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
