I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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