we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
