dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
