Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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