My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
