she looked like the bat from fern gully.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
